June 22nd: Scarlet

Topic: A letter to someone...

 

S C A R L E T

That day I wanted to sit by your side beneath the beauty of scarlet sky and told you that your prayer would definitely come true.

 

Sorry for writing in English. I just feel like it.

This will be the very first time and the very last time I will ever talk about this on my blog.

I have been dreading this topic so much because every time I thought about it, I always wanted to write about you. I have tried and failed miserably to write about someone else.

So yes, I give up trying and I will write this, albeit for the last time, a letter for you.

Alright, where should I start?

I guess I would like to remind you about so many things happened between us.

Everything about you looked like a mix juice of happiness and troubles.

Every laughter you spread contagiously marked the jittery moments between all of us.

If I dare to look back at it, you were the only one ever had the courage to smack me for spacing out, while others would just laugh at me.

Yes I tend to space out every now and then.

I still remember how I jumped on my seat and lost my trail of thought when your logbook hit my back.

If someone else was doing it, I would have been labeled as murderer that day.

You were the only one ever laughed by seeing me wear pink dress, while others would just shrug it off.

Then you said, “I thought you said you will never wear anything in pink?” while failed to contain further laughter.

That was the very first time I wear pink after so many years.

You grinned amusedly when I said that I looked weird.

Cause yeah, I felt weird.

You were the one who called me out of the blue on one of my wonderful holiday night just to say, “Where is the cable I put on the desk inside student club room?”

Just how should I know where you put that thing anywhere on that super duper messy room?

And it was holiday for God’s sake, what were you even doing at student club at times like that? After you excitedly told me about going home no less…

You’re so weird -__-“

You were also the one who called me in the evening and told me that you could see lots of sparkler from your balcony.

I still remember how you described the kids playing on the ground and shouting to each other while the sparkler fled up to the sky.

Too bad instant messaging was not so easy to send a picture at that time.

You were the one who shoved an article on my face while beaming like a kid when your event was reported by local newspaper.

You happily told anyone you met and you failed to contain your excitement as you show them the article.

You had one of your widest grin all day and asked me to keep the article on safest place because you were sure you would lose it in a day.

Sure, I knew you would lose it in several hours instead.

You were the one who amazingly lost your notes, your books, your final exam documents and finally your laptop, just because you were easily distracted by other things.

Sometimes you made me smack you because you forgot what you were forgetting until I shove it back in front of you.

It was kinda magical to somehow find out that I was the one who found some of your important things laying on the most improbable place, like under the table, on the very corner of the room (and I mean, very very corner), on patient’s bed or simply inside any random binder.

Just how come someone can forget so much? -__-“

Though, you sure took it all to me when it was my turn to forget things.

Was ‘being forgetful’ a contagious disease? It might be.

You were the one who took my stead and go around the city in pouring rain because somebody told you that I was chased by deadliest deadline of publication.

Then you sent me a text just to let me know that you were unable to meet the publication target and crashing on a security guard's office, waiting for the rain to stop.

After all the efforts I made not to let you worry about it, I still bothered you with my responsibilities.

Though feeling thankful, I scolded you for not bringing any raincoat.

Then you shrugged off the raincoat part and easily said to me to loosen up and learn to enjoy those responsibilities around me.

Then you caught a flu on the next day and rather forcefully made me take your stead to lead a meeting.

As if I could say no after all that -__-“

You were someone so very oblivious.

I slapped my head many times when I witnessed your failure to address any flirt thrown by your fans.

If only I could tell you how many times you put me into very difficult situation because people tend to ask me a whole lot about you -__-“

They would ask me about the shortcut to your heart, how to gain your attention, how to know you more and anything else fans would die to know.

Once I did tell you about it, you gave me blank stare then asked me back about why and how and when and who and I just slapped my head again.

In the end, I love my head more than yours to repeat the telling.

Your obliviousness extended to the point that you comfortably put an opened book on my lap and read it for me, while you were kneeling in front of me.

If only you looked up a bit earlier you would see me grinning widely at your childish behavior.

I felt like a mother taking care of a cute kid at that time. It was hard to resist the urge to pat your head that way.

Though, I guess that was the reason why I frequently became an object of murderous glares -__-“

Just how come people saw you as 'perfect' when you were all but perfect in front of me?

Oh wait, I retract that statement.
You were not that oblivious.
Do you still remember how you ignored me all day just because you caught your close friend flirted with me?
If only you pay attention a little bit calmer you would clearly know that I never flirted back.
That day was the very first time I realized that I had entered some kind of ice chilly war zone between you two. It did not flatter me, mind you.
I was glad you were back to your old self on the next day, though yes, somehow, the ice kept sending me chills.

Hold on, did you purposely put that book on my lap as your effort to flirt with me too?
If that was the case, I must be a fool for realizing it just now -__-"

You were the one who were still roaming inside student club room the evening before your final exam.

You shrugged us off when we gave you gaping looks and screamed, “What are you doing here?!”

Then on the next day, several hours after your final exam, you had already roaming back inside the club room and laughed together with us.

Like you had no worry at all.

Though yes, knowing you, you would be a lot more frustrated when you were alone.

And yeah, I caught you stare blankly when people were not with you.

Though, I did admire your strength to put such a happy face for everyone. Maybe that was why people always saw you as ‘perfect’.

Oh, do I still remember the date of your final exam? Not exactly but maybe, it was November 14^th, just four days prior to my own final exam.

When I also somehow roamed inside student club one day prior to my final exam, you paid me back by saying (and grinning widely), “And just what are you doing here? Go home!”

I wonder if I also had that same blank stare after my final exam too…

You made me learn a lot about multimedia and I still remember your slightly frustrated face when I kept failing on mastering Corel.

Though, I made it up to you by mastering Photoshop, of which you failed to master.

In the end, these different skills were completing each other.

Now that I think of it, I was able to ‘unlock’ my advance curiosity about multimedia since then.

I still remember how I laughed so hard when you suddenly fell into puddle of mud because of us chatting amiably.

I still remember your annoyed face when you groaned at the sticky muddy brownie substance you got on your feet.

And then you looked even more annoyed when you realize how hard I laughed, though yes, you quickly showed me your famous innocent face to cover it all.

Afterward, you always looked grumpy when I remind you of that silly event.

I knew from the very start that you were unable to get mad at me, and sometimes, I abused that privilege by pulling prank and teasing you.

Though, I knew you know me as much to understand that I would never mean ill to you.

Sometimes, you really got on my nerves for being so sacrificing to others.

You got me astonished and irritated by your selflessness and your willingness to let people happy instead you letting yourself happy.

You might still remember that sometimes I would argue with you about which one must be your top priority.

From you, I learn how to think positively.

You never failed to make me feel like I had no reason to give up.

You always said to me that I will be alright so I have to get up and show the world that I am brave enough to face any problems.

One quality I admired the most from you was your ability to smile through everything.

Although you felt like breaking inside, you masked it well with your smile.

It sure took me a long time to understand which smile was the genuine one.

When I asked you, “How come you were able to smile like that?” you confusedly asked me, “Er… ‘How come I was able to smile’? Is that some kind of lyric?”

You, and your obliviousness.

You were lucky I was able to restrain myself from throwing the whole table at you.

Well, you made me happy because you believed in me, supported me, looked after me, and somehow forced me to look for positive sides of every little thing.

It worked though.

Thinking positively has become one of my biggest trait today.

Many times, you would tell me a lot about your dream to open up a big press company in your hometown, and one day, you will be able to deliver your magazine to us all by the help of paperboys.

When I asked you why you told me all about it, you said that I must be one of the authors for your magazine.

Such a big dream.
Though in the end, you seemed to bury your dream in between sands and crashing waves.

Three years after that day, here I am, standing bravely on the place which holds so much memory of my youth.
I will laugh and smile as I remember every silliness we have done together with everyone.
I never feel offended nor sad nor irritated if I have to tell people about you.
Because I got a lot more good than bad when I was with you.
I have no reason to feel ill about you whatsoever.

The only reason why I forbid myself from writing about you before this month because I do not need more people suspecting that I still have something to you, while we both know that we have already gone pass that point.
People can easily judge me as liar when I say to them that you stay as one of my best friends and only best friend and we both have moved on since long time ago.

Sometimes I wonder why people like to mess things up in their heads.

Even if you want to go back to me, I am 100% positive that you have known my answer since long ago. It is still a bright plain no.
You have known better about the reason too.
Though yes, by posting this I admit to the world that my brain cells are intact enough to do this much retelling about you. Well, I cannot blame myself for having such an intact long term memories, now can I?

And yes, if people ever stroll back to my 2012 posts, they will find how painfully hard it was for not being able to turn around and find you, but yeah, I guess I made it out alive from that desperation.

I bet you did also have your own desperation at that time.
How did I know? Oh please, just how many years have already passed with me watching over you?

Anyway,
I have never thought that I will be this happy to see ourselves got through everything.

Your last wish to me was that I will be happy, happier than ever.

And yes, I live it up.

Just like your wish, I am happy with my life, happier than ever.
Though it is not perfect, I am grateful for every single thing I have.
Also, just like you pray for my happiness, I also pray for your happiness.
Because I know you deserve that.

Iro iro arigatoo gozaimashita.

Lots of sincerity,

Siennra.

---

P.S. Oh, I will give you one more secret. I had a love-hate relationship with this song for God knows how long since you made me 'sing' about it one day before your departure. Still remember? It is called 'Untukku' by Mr. Chrisye. Still, I do love my own voice when I sing that song though :p