Minggu, 26 April 2015
Selasa, 21 April 2015
It has been so long since we last met,
Well, it doesn't look like we have really talked to each other since we ever knew each other,
Do you even remember that we attended the same high school?
I will be doomed if you forget about that -___-"
I just really hope that you don't forget that we also attended the same college after all,
You were always...
Hmm... how should I put this...
You were always... shining, like a star, so bright and brilliant,
You were... so smart, beautiful, like really, we would find all the qualities of a girl in you,
I still remember when we were both working on the same exam, you easily excelled all the questions in no time while I was still trying so hard to answer one question,
Yeah, yeah, I knew it, you might have forgotten all about it,
Not that it surprised me,
It might not be a big deal for you, but for me, it felt like a very fond memory,
You're... one of the greatest person I have ever seen,
When I looked at you, I felt like looking at the high sky,
You resembled all the possibilities, all dreams that would come true,
To be exact, sometimes I would be so jealous at you,
For being so smart, so bright, so very very skillful,
When compared to you, I felt like I was nothing special,
I still remember the way you looked at me, some time in 2012,
You were standing there, just looking at me, saying nothing,
Even when I walked to you and waved my hand in front of you, you seemed like you didn't really see me,
The time you smiled to me was after I started to talk to you,
Dear my friend,
At that time, I didn't really think about the reason why you acted like that,
And just today, I really know what happened,
And I can somehow, relate it to the way you looked at me that day,
Well, I might not be the one you want to hear (or read) this from but... at least let me say this one thing to you,
I really understand how you feel.
Well, okay, deep inside, we are not really what people call as 'friends', but I consider you as one,
I don't really know why I consider you as one, but, you know, no matter how much I want to deny, deep inside I did admire you,
For every single thing you mastered,
For every single thing you could do while I couldn't,
And no, I am not pitying you or something, I just want to tell you honestly that I understand it, I really, really, understand how you feel,
I really understand,
I was on the same boat anyway, though, my case was not as hard as yours,
Writing this post on my blog is just a silly effort, I knew, but we never really exchange contact number or something else, right?
Like I said, we were never really 'friends' to begin with, because, yeah, we were on two different worlds after all,
You were already so high on the sky when I was just learning how to fly,
And right now, I remember about you,
The decision you made must be so hard, and requiring so much bravery to take,
Yet, despite of all the great changes, you keep standing, you keep all your rationality with you,
And I know, I have one more reason to admire you after all,
I guess you really are a very great person,
Look, I understand that maybe life can be so unfair and cruel at the same time,
But I believe, every little thing happens for a reason,
While every hello will end with goodbye, every lose will be replaced with something more precious,
It doesn't matter where we are, as long as we stay true to ourselves, we will get by anything,
I hope you're doing well at the place you are now,
I hope that happiness will always be with you no matter how many hardship may lie ahead,
I know you will be fine,
Because you are... you.
NB: anyway, the song of Rascall Flatts titled as 'My Wish' may convey all the things I want to say to you too.
Senin, 20 April 2015
There is one song I've been dreaded to hear for so many months.
Yep, because I thought it could be the dead of me,
Or... maybe I thought it made myself got lost inside the rain (ok, this is cliché)
Or maybe, I thought that it would make me jump out of the road and screaming like crazy (oh geez, this is exaggerating)
Such a long drive home,
I was not a fool, though they say I was wrong, I knew I was right,
I knew it,
I knew the result long before I even start trying,
We don't even need a mirror to look at the rear side of us, because we can turn around with wide eyes,
All that matter is how to avoid bumping the rear, right?
Like an apprentice driver, traffic jam is just another challenge,
Add some heavy pouring rain, then it will be so difficult to see what's ahead,
Then at the end of the road, you will find the blue deep forest swallowing the avenue,
It is not the wrong way,
It is my way home,
The forest is still as blue as ever, no matter how many times the clock has been crashed and burned,
So many people talking as the time ticks, and I thought they must be talking about me,
Not that it matter to me,
Because I found my way home,
It was such a long way, like, very very long way,
Every step I take is not meant to be recovered, so yeah, there's no going back to the way it was, not that I want one,
And then, at my home today is the very first time I hear the song for this year, like I believe, that day was also the first time I ever heard the exact same singer and melody,
The same song that made me laugh in different kinds of happiness.
The pressure is long gone.
NB: I challenged myself a bit to write some kind of self-reflection when I found the song I stopped listening for so long, and to my surprise, my first reaction was laughing. Anyone knew what the song is? This post contains so many clue to the song btw :)
Rabu, 08 April 2015
Let's just say that I spent this early morning contemplating.
It's been months since I buried my chance to continue my study, which I realized has made many people disappointed in me.
Haha, I will never forget the disappointed look on their faces when I decided to postpone my research.
Well, let's just say that it's unbearably hard for me to say that, I mean that research is a part of my dream, it is still one miraculous thing ever happen to me.
But let's just say that condition forced me to do so.
If you think I would cry over this, haha I did MORE than crying, haha..
Let's just say I escaped to my hard routine to forget my disappointment.
I was disappointed in myself, yet I could not bring myself to stand back on my feet.
It takes me a lot of time to recover, and suddenly I arrived at today.
Subconsciously I opened back my research logbook and frowned...
How did I become so cruel of myself?
As I traced back my written words on the papers I couldn't help but feeling stupid.
For giving up.
For running away.
For pretending that I can forget this one miracle ever happened to me.
I should have believed in myself.
Nobody has ever invented this research method but me, I mean look at this research progress! Without feeling too high I am in awe of my own logbook.
I may be too late, but late is always better than never, isn't it?
Yes I know, I am too clumsy for starting up so late, but hey, since I've been in awe with myself, I should start over.
I will start, today!
This is a silly yet funny post for me so please read at your own risk.
Let's just say that today is my moment of truth,
I will face... er... some kind of trial this afternoon because of my... lack of focus, haha :p
And let's just say that I am in a pinch.
I can imagine some meaningful outcomes this afternoon, but I refuse to choose any of these possibilities.
And then I messaged my friend who used to be my partner last year, told this person everything, and this is the reply I got,
"Oh my God, I was wondering why I keep dreaming of you these days! So you're in trouble, huh? Why didn't you tell me about it instead of intruding my pleasant dreams?!"
And despite of my pinched situation, I squealed in delight.
It's great to know that we have some kind of 'invisible connection' with people.
It is just great.
(NB: actually there is one childhood friend of mine that keep bothering my dreams for some days already. The more I dream of this old friend, the more I feel like this old friend is in problem. It just that, er... I don't know whether I have to say anything or how I should contact this person. I just hope everything is alright)