April 2012. Releasing.

Hmm… apa ya komentar saya pas baca tulisan saya yang ini? Susah juga berkomentar, soalnya semua yang saya rasakan sudah sangat tergambar di sini. Yang jelas saya langsung nyetel kembali lagu Winter punya Josh Radin, hehehe... Tulisan ini bercerita tentang hari terakhir usaha saya menjelaskan pada diri sendiri tentang apa yang harus saya lakukan. Jujur saja, ini masih terkait kejadian di Januari.

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-a door to the past-

Just today,

I was visiting the door to the past,

I dared myself to look back, and found out that it was simply a silly mistake,

A door to the past,

Standing there, a bit opened, and somehow inviting me back,

There’s no remaining light from the back of the door,

There’s no remaining,

Nothing remained,

It was a door I’ve left behind, just before I took some step forward,

Also,

It was a door I never really closed before,

It’s simply a door to the past,

A door to many meaningful moments that were burnt into ash,

Leaving only darkness,

It used to be a bright door,

A wonderful gate into tons of hope and trust,

It was some kind of powerful drive to recharge the tired self,

Just before everything was scattered, leaving nothing behind,

As I gazed to the door, I understood how empty the area behind it,

Nothing remained,

I have considered myself to close the door, but as I took the holder, a rush of disbelief came into my mind, and I found myself opened the door instead,

Only to find nothing,

Nothing left,

Just a dreadful emptiness seen behind the door,

Just darkness,

I felt emotionless, regardless that it was the door that used to lighten me up in the past,

There’s no light remained,

Nothing,

Just emptiness,

I felt a surge to cry, but nothing came out,

It’s all dried up,

No more tears remained,

As I took some deep breath, I completely closed the door and let my back leaned on it,

I let it closed, closed for the rest of my life,

Never to be opened again,

I turned and stared at the door, and let myself slowly accepting the fact that I had to keep going,

Releasing all these burden and keep walking,

A winter will always  pass, as spring approaches,

I don’t have to stay this way,

I have choices,

And I choose to keep going, letting nothing, no one, ever able to stop me again,

April 8^th, 2012

#np Winter –Josh Radin-

ynaija.com

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Lirik pembuka lagu Winter adalah “I should know who I am by now,” dan seingat saya memang inilah yang menginspirasi saya untuk membuat tullisan ini. Masa depan bisa jadi amat sangat berbeda dengan harapan yang pernah kita buat. Kadang, seberapapun kita percaya dan yakin dan mampu merealisasi masa depan di kepala kita, tetap saja output-nya mbeleset jauh sekali. Well, kalau kamu mengalami itu, jangan khawatir, saya juga mengalaminya kok :)

Pada bulan April ini saya belajar bahwa hidup ini penuh dengan pilihan, dan pilihan yang menurut kita benar belum tentu paling benar menurut Allah. Yang penting kita tidak menyerah, tapi tahu kapan harus berhenti berharap.

Pada akhirnya sih, menurut saya, semua kembali ke satu kata : realistis.


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