Fearless

In the end, He is the Only One who provides help and absolute protection (Siennra, 2015)

 

Dear, The One Who Holds the secret of tomorrow,

I am not as fearless as I thought,

I feel like I am close to screwing things up,

And it feels like I am going to lose something very very important if I do screw up, 

Things have started to slip out of my grasp,

Though I do appreciate and truly feel blessed, I cannot brush off the feeling that I am just a hairline apart from screwing up,

I did screw up many many times in my past till I lost count,

But this time... I don't want to screw up,

I want to make things right,

I am done playing around,

Maybe that's why I am so afraid that I will screw up,

And somehow I feel like the screwing-up-zone is just several milimeters away from my feet,

You are the Only One who can help me to become as fearless as I used to be,

And, as nothing to lose as I used to feel,

If,

If everything will be screwed up, then please prevent it,

Prevent whatever step I take, or whatever step whoever takes, if it will just ruin everything,

Because I don't want to screw up this time,

Though,

I trust You see whatever lies ahead of me,

You hold the greatest mystery of whatever happens in whenever,

So in the end, even though every cell of me screams to You that I don't want to screw up, You still know better than me in regard of everything,

If things are better screwed up for my own sake, then I wish You will show me how to be more fearless than ever,

And wrap my mind into the right shape so I will not regret of ever trying my best this far.

I believe, You understand.

...

In all humbleness,

Siennra.