Selasa, 04 Juli 2017

the thing I lost in June, the thing I found in June


it is just the power of fate; it is just the secret of God.



It was May 2015 when I first know of this opportunity.
Ever since, I've been trying my hardest to get it.
I was lucky, since I rose above many of my competitors, and I got many people who believed that I would win this opportunity.

I saw this chance like seeing a door with complicated key.
Many people used many types of key.
Many people gave up because they could not find the appropriate key.

But me, I don't know whether it's just a sheer of idiocy or actually my streak of strength, I kept on trying.
To be honest, there was always something inside my mind (at the deepest part, actually) that kept telling me to just find another opportunity.
While many people told me to keep on trying, my closest people said that I should stop.

Because if the opportunity, the door, was made for me, I should have found the key from a long time ago.

I failed several times.
I completely gave up too, once.
But then a spark of spirit lit me up and I tried once again, again and again.

And I still failed.

Each failure was basically more epic than the last one.

But, I am not someone who will stop because I fail.
The only reason, the only acceptable reason for me to stop is when the opportunity has been taken away.

June 2017 was when it finally happened.

Silly enough, I'm glad that I was the very first person to read the announcement.
I basically laughed at myself, and smiled when I announced it to people around me, though actually, to be honest, my head was in state of chaos.
And I dare to say that my heart was broken.

It was sickening.
It was... mortifying.
Gosh, I've been trying so hard. Still, I failed?

The news of the last announcement spread like fire.

The first time, I sat between two people who happily praised the one which won.
And I was undeniably annoyed.
And I left them two when I felt something inside of me was scrambled again.

The second time, I was about to go to my seniors when three of them talked about it.
To be honest, that was the very first time I feel like shouting to them.
I was successfully drove their conversation to different topic.

The third time, I unexpectedly met with someone who boldly asked whether I felt okay for not winning.
I surprised myself with smiling at her, saying that I didn't mind at all.

Then the fourth time, the fifth, the sixth, etc, came along.

I realize that in the near future, this will continue.
Away and away, long to the future.
I will be constantly within my persona which smile it away, knowing that it's now best for me to give up.

Time heals me.
I always find it that way.
And surprisingly, it has began the healing.

Once I realized that the door was owned, that the key has been found, I turned around and Allah gave me another door, another opportunity.
I was still mortified at first, but I'm happy that it wasn't making me feel too sad.

This new chance is shining like it actually has the healing light.
Something is definitely healing me.
This newfound opportunity is still showing itself as another door and I realized that I need, once again, find the appropriate key.

And this time, right at this time, I feel like crying because I realize how Allah loves me, how Allah gives me another chance after I completely lost the last one, how Allah heals me with fixing my mind, turning me around so I can see the other door.

How Allah finally takes away what is not mine to begin with, so He can give me mine.

My final quest has been completed, and I embark into the new journey, a new part with new quests.

Surprisingly, I feel content.

I feel like smiling.


7 komentar:

  1. BTW, met lebaran y sienra, maaf lhir btin^^

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Sama sama jeng, maaf lahir batin ya 😙

      Hapus
  2. ternyata masih aktif nulis ya siennra, hampir tia hari lg, sugoi na..

    btw mohon maaf lahir batin juga

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Eh enggak juga kok, cuman kalo pas ada ide aja. Btw, maaf lahir batin juga ya 😙

      Hapus
  3. Allah always has his own plans to us.

    Selamat hari raya juga,
    mohon maaf lahir batin :)

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Benaarr setujuu!
      Maaf lahir batin juga ya 😊

      Hapus
  4. Infonya sangat menarik, terima kasih ya

    BalasHapus

terima kasih sudah membaca, have a good day!

siennra

Foto saya

I am Enneagram type 7 with ENTP, highly imaginative, lots of flight of ideas, yield many hobbies and skills, and unsurprisingly extraordinary. Yes, why do people even bother to define themselves as ordinary while every soul is downright created as extraordinary? :p