i wish i were more powerful

I wish I were more powerful,
So I don’t have to blame myself for getting so weak,

I have been telling myself that it was over,
It just over right there, with no place to see it continues,
I have believed that it was the very best,
The very best way to get through,

I have been through the deepest pit and I was able to get out safely,
I was able to smile again with my own strength,
I was so strong so I can wipe up all the fears surrounding me,
Even when I found out that I was alone after I get out, I wasn’t afraid anymore,

I was thinking that if the destiny just happened right this, then it wants me to get to some other ways to reach the dream,
I told myself that I will not reach it if I’m about to stay on that deepest pit doing nothing,




In the end,
I found my way back to the sunlight,
I was very proud of myself that I found the way back,

Even so,
I couldn’t lie to myself that there’s something I tried to leave behind in the deepest pit,
Something I wish I will never remember again,
And then, believing in that wish, I tried to forget it,
I tried to drift away from that pit, trying to forget that depth,

I never stop trying,
I do anything I could to forget it,
I run here and there to make myself the busiest I can so I will get it out of my memory in no time,
I’m surely trying to become even stronger, just like anyone,

But as I move further and walk faster I realize it,
There’s a hollow inside me,
Something has been gone from me,
Feels like I’m incomplete,

Every time I sit down and reflect I will see the same image,
The image of that thing I left behind deep inside the pit,

I wonder why I remember that thing over and over,
Even after I left it with all the courage I had,
The past I had seems like don’t want to fade away just like this,

I keep telling myself that it’s gone, nowhere to be found,
I never stop yelling at myself to snap out of it by the time that past come by,
But I in fact, I can’t smile every time I remember it,
Even when I force myself to smile it is just no use,
Every time I remember, that is the time I am unable to smile,
Every time it flows through my mind I always prefer to make myself even and even busier to shut myself from reality,

In fact,
I’m still haunted with that past,
I haven’t found a way to get away with that,
All I’ve done is just ignoring it, letting it sinking and floating with me doing nothing,

I looked at myself and feel odd,
I miss my old self,
Who’s having all the reason to never stop smiling,