Senin, 22 Desember 2014

Memento of the Rain

Let's say this first,
"in rain we think,"

Which is obviously true.
It is too much for not thinking about anything when I am stuck with Plue for one hour in heavy downpour.
My mp3 rewinds back to the first title but I am still getting nowhere.
What makes me think?

The songs.

Call me weird to list the mp3 here but I'd like to remember it someday when I stumble back into this post.

So, this is the list:
  1. Shooting Star -Acoustic Ver (Owl City)
  2. Unwritten (Natasha Bedingfield)
  3. 3 Things (Jason Mraz)
  4. Brave (Josh Groban)
  5. Kimi to Kare to Boku to Kanojo to (Breathe)
  6. Holding On and Letting Go (Ross Copperman)
  7. Shine (Jason Mraz)
  8. Shake It Off (Taylor Swift)
  9. You're Not Alone (Owl City ft Britt Nicole)
  10. Here's to Never Growing Up (Avril Lavigne)
  11. Sweeter than Fiction (Taylor Swift)
  12. Shatter Me (Lindsey Stirling ft Lzzy Hale)
  13. Gold -Acoustic Ver (Owl City)
  14. Hysteria -Acoustic Ver (Nano)
  15. Titanium (David Guetta ft Sia)
  16. Wolf Bite (Owl City)
  17. If No One Will Listen (Kelly Clarkson)
  18. Let It Go (Demi Lovato)
  19. Collide -Acoustic Ver (Howie Day)
  20. Burn (Ellie Goulding)
  21. Neon Lights (Demi Lovato)
  22. Beautiful Times (Owl City ft. Lindsey Stirling)
  23. Brave (Sarah Bareilles)

I know mine is not the best mp3 list out there. Some people may judge it as rather gloomy, but I don't really think so.
I prefer songs I can sing along. Not the one out of my pitch, not the one too slow, not the one too upbeat, just songs with nice melody I can sing along. Preferably with lyrics which are easy to remember too. If I don't sing when I am driving, I will be so sleepy... and yes, it will be dangerous to ride with me then :p

So, when the rain pours, the sky turns dark, the time alone in the traffic, I am finally in touch with enhanced sensitivity around the surrounding.

Being trapped inside the university, for starter, will not be so meaningful without some rain (or heavy downpour, to be exact), but here I am, wondering to myself how long time has passed since the last day I was trapped inside the pour like this. Maybe last year.

Then 'last year' is already a long time ago for me. Last year, I have not had my third degree, for example. I have not met people who gave me trouble this year.
Well okay, not bad trouble in total but still trouble I have to solve with my brain.

Last year I am still stuck with some thoughts that I would just come along with every thing that happened to me. 
There was my work mate who said to me that I could not stay my way. She said that I needed to sort out things that i wanted, dreams that i dreamed, and wishes that i pursued.
She said to me that I need to be serious with my life.

Well as if I was never serious...
I was just... too laid back for some times, haha :p
Reason of my 2013's too-laid-back-ness was because 2012 was full of stressful moments.

You can say that, this year is the very first year when I take everything seriously again, and... come to think of it, I do lost many opportunities along 2014.
I keep doing my best for everything and I cannot keep everything, just some things.
Let's say that I am sad. Well yes, I am sad, but at the same time, I am also very happy with myself.

Of course, how can I not be happy? It is raining, downpour, like very very heavy downpour and I am not unhappy. I have other things I can count as bless.
For the very least, I am not alone inside the rain, I am with Plue :)

I have my stead here in the place where I am working. Not big stead, but I got paid. Not high payment but it is enough for me. Not as flashy as many GP will be but hey, I am working the work I have dreamed of since I was very little so what should I complain? :)

I have not yet reaching my goal to start getting another degree like I was wishing for, but I know I am on the right track.

I might have lost my opportunity to continue my education, but I have done my best and I believe there is something useful I have gained. At least I am honest with my current condition.

I failed on one of my researches, but hey, no failure, no research, right? Basically research is to 're' and to 'search', to try and try and try again.

I fell in love but I could not make him stay, but I wonder what I would be if I ever continue my story at that time. I would not be here, I would not be who I am right now.

So many things I discover throughout this year. So many things I have to let go too.

But, I am proud of myself, for standing on my own feet despite of everything ever happened to me.
I am happy that I am someone I am right now.

Haha, I never feel insulted if someone judge me that way.
I believe that the first person who has to believe in me is myself. Who can believe in me if I cannot believe in myself?
Logical, eh?

This city becomes more and more crowded this year.
One or two times Plue almost lose its concentration and... okay... not Plue to be exact, but the one controlling Plue.

If only, hmm.... if only, cars can fly... then there will be many air traffic here and there. If there is any crash, the car will fall to the ground. Ahaha... what a weird imagination :p

Well whatever, it is time for me to get back to the road. I will post this tomorrow or maybe the day after tomorrow when I am away from Malang and have some times to relax.
I still have to find rainbow picture to complete this random post.

Anyway, as weird as this post can be, I still like it :)

Malang, 10 December 2014. 
(Guess I forgot to post this one and I kinda unconsciously erased the photo which was supposed to be attached here, ahaha :p)

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terima kasih sudah membaca, have a good day!