Day 27: Betrayed

nobody likes to be reminded of a betrayal.

was it good?
that i trust you as a companion, and you just talk behind my back.
crushing what i had built so tall.

was it good?
just because i decided not to agree with you, that you just talk behind my back.
effectively severed the bond i had for so long.

was it good?
that i chose different path than yours, then you just talk behind my back.
then suddenly the ocean exiled me away.

was it good?
that i believed words you did not like, and you just talk behind my back.
shattering what i had held so close.

i have all the reason to hate you, and i try my best not to.
it is just downright hard to bring myself to even look at you, furthermore talk to you.
because every time i see you, i still feel this pang of hurt inside me.
i cannot bring myself to trust you, and that is the most thing i can do next to hating you.

i do not think i hate you, but i can define clearly that i cannot trust you.
i just cannot bring us to the way we used to.

even though i can see it in your eyes, your voice, your gesture, that you regret it, you remain part of past that i do not ever want to bring to the present.

you will be like that for me.

and just now when i met you incidentally, with me only simply answered your two questions while walking away, i could see that you actually wanted to talk more like we used to.

but let me tell you this,
no matter how i have healed myself from your betrayal, i just simply cannot bring myself to be someone i used to be for you.

you shattered my trust in the past, and i don't think you are even close to gain it again.

so forgive me for being selfish.
but i think it's better for us this way.