Minggu, 02 April 2017

Day 27: Betrayed


nobody likes to be reminded of a betrayal.



was it good?
that i trust you as a companion, and you just talk behind my back.
crushing what i had built so tall.

was it good?
just because i decided not to agree with you, that you just talk behind my back.
effectively severed the bond i had for so long.

was it good?
that i chose different path than yours, then you just talk behind my back.
then suddenly the ocean exiled me away.

was it good?
that i believed words you did not like, and you just talk behind my back.
shattering what i had held so close.

i have all the reason to hate you, and i try my best not to.
it is just downright hard to bring myself to even look at you, furthermore talk to you.
because every time i see you, i still feel this pang of hurt inside me.
i cannot bring myself to trust you, and that is the most thing i can do next to hating you.

i do not think i hate you, but i can define clearly that i cannot trust you.
i just cannot bring us to the way we used to.

even though i can see it in your eyes, your voice, your gesture, that you regret it, you remain part of past that i do not ever want to bring to the present.

you will be like that for me.

and just now when i met you incidentally, with me only simply answered your two questions while walking away, i could see that you actually wanted to talk more like we used to.

but let me tell you this,
no matter how i have healed myself from your betrayal, i just simply cannot bring myself to be someone i used to be for you.

you shattered my trust in the past, and i don't think you are even close to gain it again.

so forgive me for being selfish.
but i think it's better for us this way.

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terima kasih sudah membaca, have a good day!

siennra

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I am Enneagram type 7 with ENTP, highly imaginative, lots of flight of ideas, yield many hobbies and skills, and unsurprisingly extraordinary. Yes, why do people even bother to define themselves as ordinary while every soul is downright created as extraordinary? :p