I am so bad at defining when to give up.
I should know when to give up.
Well, I partially understand that I have to give up around this time, because I have done all what I thought I could ever do.
Silly enough, my head needs more complicated explanation when I define it.
Maybe I am just too familiar with being loser, so when I lost again the last time, I just brushed it off way too simply and my head declared that it counted as unimportant moment.
Oh yes, I did lose many times.
I realize this trait of 'not knowing when to give up' is a double-edged sword for me. I know what I am about to do. I know the risk to ever try again. I know that almost 90% of all possible outcome will be labeled as 'failure'.
But I just cannot stop myself when I see a slight crack on the door that is tightly closed.
Maybe I lost my heart somewhere in the process, so this is just my head defining my act.
Because if I still have this heart at the right place, I guess I would have stopped trying since long ago.
Or maybe not.
Maybe I just too happy of a person to be able to brisk away easily hurtful thing called as 'losing the battle'.
Well, either way, I got this chill on my back every now and then since I decided not to give up yet.
If the door is closed and knocking on it is silly, then I just need to find the key, or, a tool big enough to destroy it.
Because I believe that behind that door is the place I want to be.
Just so you know, I don't regret my choice and I have nothing to lose.
But I am curious enough.
And I am truly truly bad at giving up.