Rabu, 12 April 2017

Day 28: Defined

I am so bad at defining when to give up.

I should know when to give up.
Well, I partially understand that I have to give up around this time, because I have done all what I thought I could ever do.
Silly enough, my head needs more complicated explanation when I define it.

Maybe I am just too familiar with being loser, so when I lost again the last time, I just brushed it off way too simply and my head declared that it counted as unimportant moment.

Oh yes, I did lose many times.

I realize this trait of 'not knowing when to give up' is a double-edged sword for me. I know what I am about to do. I know the risk to ever try again. I know that almost 90% of all possible outcome will be labeled as 'failure'.

But I just cannot stop myself when I see a slight crack on the door that is tightly closed.

Maybe I lost my heart somewhere in the process, so this is just my head defining my act.
Because if I still have this heart at the right place, I guess I would have stopped trying since long ago.

Or maybe not.
Maybe I just too happy of a person to be able to brisk away easily hurtful thing called as 'losing the battle'.

Well, either way, I got this chill on my back every now and then since I decided not to give up yet.
If the door is closed and knocking on it is silly, then I just need to find the key, or, a tool big enough to destroy it.
Because I believe that behind that door is the place I want to be.

Just so you know, I don't regret my choice and I have nothing to lose.
But I am curious enough.
And I am truly truly bad at giving up.

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terima kasih sudah membaca, have a good day!


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I am Enneagram type 7 with ENTP, highly imaginative, lots of flight of ideas, yield many hobbies and skills, and unsurprisingly extraordinary. Yes, why do people even bother to define themselves as ordinary while every soul is downright created as extraordinary? :p