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| my favorite color of the sky, blue with no cloud |
Looking back at my days,
I had beautiful happiness, which
was irreplaceable.
It was crushed like nothing
though.
Then I chose to hate, to get
angry, to forget, all halfheartedly.
But,
The more I thought of it, the
more I found out that I was not someone like that.
After being calmed down a bit, logic
took over my sanity and led me to where I had to be.
It was a lot more saddening than
what I had experienced years ago, but I was also a lot more powerful than I had
been years ago.
I don’t need to be comforted
anymore.
I am my own valor healer.
By the end of this Ramadhan, I find my renewed resolution to step forward.
It would be lying to say that I do
not have any lingered feeling, either that I forget about what have been done,
It would be lying to say that it
is easy to forgive,
It is hard to forgive,
Let alone to forget.
But,
I guess to forget is to try rewriting
the history, which is obviously impossible.
I may never be able to forget, but at least, I do have to forgive.
I may still have difficulty to
forgive, but at least, I forgive myself,
For being such a fool,
And accept myself as a whole,
with all good memories and the bad.
I just have to do what I can do
for now and let the rest follow.
Today, under the blue sky of my
beloved place, I state a prayer to Allah, to forgive me for having such hatred
in my past.
To forgive me for being so blind
and deaf through every chance He gave me.
To forgive me for being so
stubborn to follow the path that was completely not for me.
To forgive me for being the way I
was.
And to give me one more chance
to start anew.
Amin…
