under the blue sky

my favorite color of the sky, blue with no cloud

Looking back at my days,

I had beautiful happiness, which was irreplaceable.

It was crushed like nothing though.

Then I chose to hate, to get angry, to forget, all halfheartedly.

But,

The more I thought of it, the more I found out that I was not someone like that.

After being calmed down a bit, logic took over my sanity and led me to where I had to be.

It was a lot more saddening than what I had experienced years ago, but I was also a lot more powerful than I had been years ago.

I don’t need to be comforted anymore.

I am my own valor healer.

By the end of this Ramadhan, I find my renewed resolution to step forward.

It would be lying to say that I do not have any lingered feeling, either that I forget about what have been done,

It would be lying to say that it is easy to forgive,

It is hard to forgive,

Let alone to forget.

But,

I guess to forget is to try rewriting the history, which is obviously impossible.

I may never be able to forget, but at least, I do have to forgive.

I may still have difficulty to forgive, but at least, I forgive myself,

For being such a fool,

And accept myself as a whole, with all good memories and the bad.

I just have to do what I can do for now and let the rest follow.

Today, under the blue sky of my beloved place, I state a prayer to Allah, to forgive me for having such hatred in my past.

To forgive me for being so blind and deaf through every chance He gave me.

To forgive me for being so stubborn to follow the path that was completely not for me.

To forgive me for being the way I was.

And to give me one more chance to start anew.

Amin…