Kamis, 06 September 2012

dear friend


I know I’m no longer a good friend of yours,
I can’t keep my words for you,
I keep leaving and leaving you,
I can’t be by your side when you need me,
I’m too busy with myself,
I’ve become too selfish to even recognize you,
At least, I know those are how I am in your eyes,


I keep my mouth shut,
As I look at you, swayed by feign,
Do you ever know how much I want to punch them out for taking you for granted?
Do you ever know how much I want to slap them out in front of your eyes?
Do you ever think how much I want to shout so they’ll leave you alone?

I always watch over you, even though I am unable to be by your side at all times,
Jobs have made me isolated from you,
You can blame me all you want, I will never blame you back,
Because I understand it is no use to fight you back,


I don’t know how they treat you,
I don’t know how they mention me in front of you,
And I don’t care,
I don’t care how much they give you love and attention you need,
I don’t even care how many times they listen and stay by your side, replacing me,
They can say everything they want about me,
They can judge me leaving you,
They can judge me not caring about you,
They can judge me keep hurting you,
Even if they say that I am not worthy to be a friend, I don’t care,
Look, I don’t care,
Not even once,
Because scratches like that will never ever kill me,
As long as they’re not taking you for granted, I’ll let you be with them, I’ll let them ‘alive’,
But they are,
They are taking you for granted,
And I’ve told you that,

Yes, I’ve told you how many times they make use of you,
Just to my surprise, you were standing for them, you protected them from my bad words,
You chose to believe in their words, not mine,
And what worse, now I am becoming the worst friend in your eyes,
Somebody you won’t listen with your two ears, somebody you won’t see with your two eyes, like you used to be,
Like we used to be,

I should’ve known then, my words are no longer able to reach you,

Even though there are still many things I want you to hear me out,
I just can’t say it right,
All my words are bottled inside, because you keep throwing back my words,
Because today, just like recently, I was no longer a good friend in your eyes,
Because the connection between us, thing that we used to proud of, has been secured,
Because I can’t make you hear me out,
Because I know that everything I say will never make you understand again,
Because whether I say something or keep silent, the outcomes are just the same,
Because of those things, I prefer not to say anything,

Yes, I prefer not to say anything anymore,
Well, what for?
No matter how much I say that I care about you, you won’t even believe me,
No matter how much I say about my sincerity, you won’t even see it again,

Look,
I can pretend to be so blind, I could set my mind so I don’t even care about you,
I could even let you die out there on the desert of lies,
But I just can’t do that,
Because I know the real you,
Cause I know you don’t deserve those relationship you’re making with them,

But I’m tired being stubborn for you,

So until the time is right, I’ll keep everything inside,
You can say everything, I’m fine with that, I know you after all, every side of you, so well,
I’ve done my best to keep you by my side, protecting you, but you still prefer to leave,
But God knows better,
Someday, I hope God will wake you up, and make you understand, every little unspoken thing I keep inside,
Someday, God will lead you back, to the place where people accept you for who you are, not only for what you can do for them,
Someday, not now,

And for me, there’s no ex-close friend in my dictionary

Ganbatte ne, my friend,
I’ll keep watching over you, though in silent,
You gotta keep trying, keep doing your best,
No matter what happen, don’t give up, don’t ever ever give up,


With love, and prayer,
Your (seems like) ex-close friend.

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terima kasih sudah membaca, have a good day!

siennra

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I am Enneagram type 7 with ENTP, highly imaginative, lots of flight of ideas, yield many hobbies and skills, and unsurprisingly extraordinary. Yes, why do people even bother to define themselves as ordinary while every soul is downright created as extraordinary? :p